Dear C

Dear C,


1.

You are lying in a hospital bed 2000 miles away
and I am writing you a letter you may or may not 
ever read.

You are lying in a hospital bed going on 6 weeks now
and you can't talk.
You had a tube down your throat.
You can't talk.
You like to talk.
You don't write.
I write.
I write what happened to us?

2.

I know you live in my body somewhere
but I don't know where
I can't find you.

3.

Remember a long time ago you asked me
"M why do you write poetry?
I can't imaginewhy anybody would ever do that."
Instead of telling you why I just hated you for it.

4.

Not being seen, 
I know you know what that feels like.
Why didn't I ever get that about us?
Something we both felt.
Something we both know.

What if you never speak again.
What if we never get to do this sister thing better.

5.

How is we got to be together 
in that fucking hospital room 
when our mother died
and we didn't know -
we couldn't bear the thought of losing her there
like that, so we let them make us leave the room,
and they broke her.

And she still didn't come back.

We did that together.
We can do this.

This is why I write poems.
You are.

6.

Your sister,

M