Surreal Pizza

I sat at the bar, waiting for you

Had my wine and tried not to think

the panic rising in my seat.

You were there then and said

'how are you?'

and I couldn't lie, suddenly I couldn't

anymore say I was fine.

'I need to sit, no not here, 

over there

I need to tell you something'

We moved to a table,

the waitress gave us menus.

I was breaking

'let's get pizza'

Spinach mushroom pizza with a lemon preserve.

We just preserved the lemons, 

they are in our fridge,

from the tree I gave you for our 10th anniversary.

She left and took our menus with her.

'I'm leaving.

I can't do this anymore' 

You sat and heard that.

What did you hear?

What's true for me --

I have a body that is no longer

at home with you. 

I don't know all the reasons why.

The pizza arrived. 

You ate. 

I sat.

I examined the slice.

What comes next?

Just to eat this pizza,

after a whole year of feeling lost,

looking for a way to say 

words I could never find. 

Maybe we needed the pizza, 

holding back our tears

(what must the waitress think)

swallowing salty mouthfuls

down tight throats that couldn't speak

any understanding to this moment.

Eating with you is so familiar.

You proposed to me at our favorite diner

I said, 'yes' with hamburger in my mouth. 

These daily routines, we can complain

numb us to life

but they also save us 

in the worst moments 

of pain.